Tuesday, October 4, 2011

This is who I am

Who am I?  Such a little question, but the answer can be so many things.  Who I am is more than the things I do, the (sometimes stupid) things I say, how I spend my time, or the people in my life...although all those things make up who I am.

Do you ever wonder who you are?  Or who you are meant to be?  Or do you think you know, but are you afraid to admit it to anyone else?  Because putting it out there, saying "This is who I am," can be a scary thing.  What if you make that announcement and then no one likes it?  Or likes you because of it?  Or what if you don't even like it very much?  Or you wish you were more than who you have become?  What then?

In thinking about this, I can't help but think of the ultimate "I AM."  He wasn't afraid to put Himself out there.  All throughout the Bible, God tells us who He is.  He is holy.  He is righteous.  He can't stand sin, but in His grace He provides a path for the sinner.  When Moses asked Him, "Who should I say you are?" He answered: "I AM WHO I AM."  Unapologetic.  Unafraid.  He simply is who He is.  And yet, He cares for each of the people He created so much that He gave each of us an identity, too.  We are made in His image.  As His Holy Spirit flows through us, we reflect that image to the world around us.  We are not cookie-cutter copies, but something different.  Something richer and so much more creative.  God is so infinite that we can all be made in His image and still be individuals, with a unique set of gifts and personality quirks that can all be used for His glory.

So who am I?  Can I tell you a secret?  I have always known who I am, but it has always scared me.  For years I tried to be something else, anything else, as long as it fit into whatever I thought was "normal."  I took my identity and called it a dream, an ambition, something that I would maybe do someday if I had enough time or money.  I set it aside for awhile because I knew there were other things God wanted me to do, but it never changed.  Now I've grown up a bit, I'm a little braver than I used to be, a little more confident that God has a plan and He can do whatever He wants to in me, and a little more willing to step out of "normal" and into the unknown.  I believe that God is giving back what I gave Him years ago.  I don't know what He'll do with it, but this is what I know: I am a writer.  People can attach any number of labels to that.  I might be a good writer, or a bad writer, or a crazy writer, or a novel writer, or a freelance writer, or maybe even a published writer, but none of that changes who I am.  Of course I am other things, too.  Look on Facebook, Twitter, or my profile on this blog and you can see all those other things.  But the scary secret is out.  The truth is, whatever else I may also be, I am a writer.  Always have been, always will be.  I have always known.  Now you know, too.

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